Ugh, Why Am I So Angry at Work?
I used to be okay with going to work every day. This is my first office job ever, and I’ve been working there for about five months. While I hate that I have to be there at 7:30 a.m., I don’t mind driving in and heading into the office.
And then I sit down at my computer, and I just feel peeved.
It wasn’t always like this. I would get settled in, check my emails, and figure out what was on my to-do list for the day. My tasks weren’t arduous and intimidating (since I’m basically an Admin Assistant) but I enjoyed updating the spreadsheets, stuffing folders, and communicating with my other employees about upcoming events or projects. It felt like a normal gig and I liked it.
But lately, it’s consisted of me staring at the clock, wishing 3:30 would magically arrive and I could sprint out of there.
I can blame it on the fact that it’s a slow time right now. To give a little bit of background without saying too much, I work with all K-12 schools in my state. All the schools have finished submitting required paperwork, which means I’m no longer updating our lists, uploading documents or hunting them down to submit the damn file. I’m still doing reports, but those take only an hour out of each day. Sometimes I have an assignment to do, but it depends on what my supervisor has for me. Lately, I’ve been creating my own work, but even that can hit a dead end.
I could blame my frustration on the fact that I don’t make enough money. I make a little more than $17/hour, which is an AMAZING starting wage for me. Except the job isn’t full-time, so I still don’t make enough. I also freelance write for a local paper and waitress 2 nights a week in order to pay my bills. I still live at home and can’t afford to move out on this income.
Most of all, I can blame this anger surrounding work on how I was passed up for a promotion, and then had to partake in picking candidates and interviewing them for the job I wanted.
The sole reason I don’t have the job I want is because I don’t have exactly four years of experience. This job I applied for pays an extra $5/hour, which means I could quit waitressing (it’s still part-time, but it would have added more to my paycheck). Also, it involved writing and editing, which is what I studied in college and have plenty of experience doing.
The real kicker to this story?
I’m already doing the work of this job, and am one hundred percent capable of doing it. But because I don’t have those exact years of experience on my resume, I was rejected. Twice. And now I’m helping pick the candidates who have more than the required amount of experience, but have never done this job before. In order to have them do this job, someone would need to train them on computer skills and proofreading.
That person will most likely be me.
So yes, I’m angry at work. I’m perturbed. I have less than two years to find a full-time job that offers health insurance before I get kicked off of my parents’ plan. I can’t move out, I work three jobs, I’m struggling to find any other job that wants me, I’m not in my favorite city, and I sit at my desk all day twiddling my thumbs.
Luckily, waitressing has taught me the wonderful art of putting on a happy, cheerful face. I do love the mantra “Fake it until you make it”, and if I have to keep doing that, I will do so until my face hurts and I have an acceptance letter in my hand to the perfect job.
